“STOP EATING…you are full. You don’t need it!” This phrase has been on repeat in my mind for the past five minutes as I shove barbecue potato chips and chocolate chip cookies in my face. My intentions were good. I came into lunch with a plan. First, I filled my plate with salad and removed the bread from the sandwich leaving just protein and cheese. I felt so proud and accomplished but that didn’t last long.
For almost 5 years I worked in the weight loss industry and have been on a healthy eating journey (as I like to call it) for about 9 years. Eating healthy for me is not something that comes easily or naturally so I consider myself on a journey to progress and get better at it. The first thing I had to do was educate myself about food and then I had to change my habits and figure out a balance.
One of the strategies we used to talk about at Jenny Craig was to identify and ask yourself the question, “Why am I eating?” What this does is start an internal dialogue about why and when you choose to eat. This is a very good strategy for mindless eaters or people who snack when they’re bored. For social eaters I always recommended going in with a plan like I did. I knew what was going to be offered for lunch and I was able to determine ahead of time what I would eat.
Normally that strategy works well for me but lately I’ve been disastrous. For the first time I can’t blame the change in season or halloween candy, my problem is emotional. Emotional eating is the toughest to overcome. While I have never had a big issue with emotional eating, my stress eating has reared its ugly head worse than ever. Recently I have been under serious stress and subsequently I am pounding the food.
Its like a prolonged force of nature I have never experienced before. My stress got to a point where my drive to maintain my exercise and healthy eating completely stopped. I was going along great and then it was done. My control over food took up too much energy and with my tennis shoes in hand I drove right past the gym and to my couch for a Real Housewives marathon.
After I finished my bag of chips I thought to myself, “Erin, it’s ok but you’re done now. You are not hungry, you are full, you don’t need any more.” Nice thought but immediately after down went the cookies. All the while I was saying to myself, ” WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!?!!! It’s not even that good!!”
Yesterday was a breaking point for me and that is why I decided to write about it. I’m tired of having these conversations alone in my head and figured if I wrote this down it could be the catalyst for change. I need something to shake me out of this food funk and back into my normal routine. As motivating as everyone can be the one thing about food is that it is very personal. If you want to lose weight or if you want to eat healthy you have to have the right mindset or nothing will change. It’s not about friends, trainers, inspirational quotes or significant others. It’s about you and what going on upstairs.
These are hard times but I can be resilient and get back on the horse. There is no alternatives to my goals. No matter how many times I fall off I just have to pick myself up and get back on.
It’s an exhausting, tiring, irritating truth that this will always be something I and many other people deal with. But the sooner we accept that and move on the better we will be. Maybe you’re goal is to lose weight. Maybe your goal is to eat healthy. Maybe your goal is to love where you are right now. We all have goals to get to and its time we keep fighting.